I regret to inform you that we are in a state of emergency on board this ship.
WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF JUNK FOOD.
…not that there was a ton of superior-quality snack food to begin with, but as of this week our Munchies Supply has reached a dangerously low level. Scientists and crew are beginning to show signs of desperation.
The ice cream and packages of Ramen Noodles disappeared long ago, though conspiracy theorists question whether or not these snacks may simply have been hidden away by some fascist regime. Everyone knows that the Kryzpos are now on the endangered species list.
Kryzpos, you see, are a Chilean brand of potato chip, somewhat akin to the Pringle. They come in three flavors: plain, sour cream and onion, or… smoked ham. Unsurprisingly, the meat-flavored Kryzpo reserves are not suffering as badly as the plain or sour cream and onion flavors. I think we may have entered into a new age of Boat Society, with the Kryzpo as its major form of currency. I myself am hoarding a cache of sour cream and onion Kryzpos in my bunk.
IF YOU GET THIS MESSAGE, PLEASE SEND HELP OR CHEETOS.